I found myself in a relationship with a Muslim. Believe me when I say I didn’t go from being a committed Christian who loved God to being in a serious relationship with a man who openly confessed his Islamic roots overnight. However, it was one rebellious decision that led me down a spiral of sin.
I doubt most people living in rebellion could pinpoint at what moment they chose to defy God. Unfortunately, I am not most people. I do remember exactly the moment I chose to rebel. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me not to do something. I got arrogant and blatantly replied, “I’m going to anyways.”
You don’t need a rocket scientist to speculate how that turned out, do you? I got my heart broken and then became bitter at God for allowing the pain….after I conveniently forgot that He told me not to do it in the first place. Now, I not only had rebellion in my heart but bitterness as well. Over the next year I successively made one poor decision after another each one adding another bear trap on my heart.
It is phenomenal the sin we are capable of committing when we are out of God’s covering. My rebellion against God removed the Holy Spirit’s voice in my life. I left God’s covering and in doing so opened myself up to all sorts of evil.
I had no check in my spirit towards sin. I couldn't resist it like I could before. Oh, I felt shame all right. The guilt ate me alive, but isn't that exactly what the enemy does? Satan encourages us to sin and then accuses us when we do. He tells us to hide in our shame rather than bring it to the light of Christ.
So, why would a Christian who loves God rebel? I have asked myself that question over and over. Why did I choose to reject the Holy Spirit in my life and remove myself from God’s covering? I think the heart of the problem arises from not trusting who God is.
Rebellion comes from the misconception that God is a taker and not a giver. Yes, we may feel bitterness and if we’re honest maybe a little betrayed by God. However, even at the core of those feelings there is the inability to have faith that the Lord wants good things for us…has planned good things for us.
We need to run to the Lord with our feelings of bitterness and betrayal and not away from Him. Let’s face it; it’s not as if He doesn’t know about it anyways!
“He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?” Romans 8:32
God is a giver…plain and simple. I was visiting a church one Sunday morning when I learned this. This church was in the middle of a revival. They had three services that morning and there was literally standing room only. I hadn’t been to church in a while (obviously), so I was looking forward to being in the presence of God. The problem was….I could not enter into worship. I looked around the room and saw evidence that the Holy Spirit was there. I just couldn’t feel Him.
I sought the Lord and immediately all of my sin, rebellion, and bitterness came into the light of Christ. I finally saw my heart for what it was…...evil. It is hard for me to express the deep sadness and loss I felt from being separated from God. I stood there fully awake and poignantly hallow. I repented…truly repented and resolved in my heart to permanently turn 180 degrees from my sin. I started to weep as the Holy Spirit came and cleansed my dirty soul.
One by one those bear traps gently came off of my heart as I basked in the Holy Spirit’s presence. The Lord loves the unlovable, forgives the unforgivable, redeems the unredeemable…..The Lord Gives. And, what do you know? The sermon that morning was on the idolatry of the Islamic religion. No joke.
“This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.” 1 John 3: 19
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1