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Can you see the mustard seed?
          I have this quirky habit of defining words in my head. I’m not sure when I started doing this. It is one of those unconscious tendencies. If I hear someone say an interesting word, it doesn't even have to be a difficult word; I’ll make up a definition.

             Perfectionnoun. Flawless clarity. Complete. Needing no improvement.
             Insane: adjective.  Not sane. The inability to reason or logic.
             Sycophancynoun. The act of flattering for self gain.
             Rebellionnoun. Intentional defiance of authority.

          Well, you get the picture. There has to be someone out there who has this ridiculous habit as well! Maybe I have just taken my OCD to a new level. I took a personality test a few years ago. This particular one separated the personalities into four groups: Perfectionist, Fun, Control, and Laid-back. The mediator stressed over and over how if you score more than a hundred points in one group then you are considered a strong personality.

          I took the test trying to be as honest as possible. When I got it back I nearly croaked. I scored 201 in perfection! 201! Strong doesn’t even come close. Obsess much? I’d like to try and convince you that this is a good quality, but who am I trying to fool? This is a serious flaw that continually prevents me from trusting the Lord.

          It is like I am crawling forward on a frozen lake inch by inch trying to test if it will hold me. All the while not noticing a Hummer joy-riding on the same lake!

         I was reading in Mark chapter 6 where Jesus fed the five thousand with five loaves and two fish. This was no small miracle! I don’t know how the disciples rationalized this event as anything but an act of God, but it seems that they did. Because, a couple of days later (Mark 8) the disciples are wringing their hands fretting that they had forgotten to bring bread with them on their journey.

        They had one loaf for twelve people. Can’t you just picture Peter scratching his head saying, “Duhh…what are we going to do? We have thirteen people here and only one loaf. Now we’re in the middle of the lake and we don’t have anything to eat!” How long-suffering Jesus is. He actually had to remind them of the miracle!

        What fascinated me was how Jesus went about performing the miracle of the five thousand. He first asked them for what they had. Then, he told them to sit down in groups. He blessed the bread and gave thanks for the miracle. The people sat down....because you sit down when you eat. The bible says that only those that were sitting were fed.

         Interesting, isn’t it? Those that were waiting in expectancy after they had given all they possessed to the Lord were satisfied. The people gave what they had in trust and then sat down waiting in faith. We first have to give it over. Imagine what faith it took for that boy to hand over his two little fish. We may not have a ton of faith, but if we ask the Lord to bless it, it will multiply. 

             Faithnoun. Confidence or trust in a person or thing.
             Trust: noun. Confident expectation of something, hope.

         I have found that a lack of faith/trust in the Lord can lead to rebellion, and rebellion can remove us from God’s covering.

         I don’t know why I feel like I should share this, and I can’t believe I’m going to. Our first inclination when we are ashamed about something is to hide it. It is the easy thing to do…and maybe even the politically correct thing to do. I choose to boast in my weakness and the fact that love covers sin and Christ is love.

        A few years before I married Drew I went through a season in my life where I made one bad choice after another. I was out of control and had no idea how to stop it.

        I found myself in a relationship with a Muslim. Believe me when I say I didn’t go from being a committed Christian who loves God to being in a serious relationship with a man who openly confessed his Islamic roots overnight. However, it was one rebellious decision that led me down a spiral of sin.


       Continued on Monday January 30th
 


01/28/2012 3:32pm

I so define words in my head! love this!

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01/29/2012 11:41am

Awesome....I'm not the only one. :)

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Norma Reini
01/28/2012 4:39pm

You are good at expressing yourself on paper, Audrey! I can almost see your facial expressions while reading this! Wait what could replace the term "on paper" these days since nobody actually uses paper??

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01/29/2012 11:43am

Thanks Norma! I guess I'm even loud on paper...or pixels. lol Yeah, I'm loud even in pixels. :)

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Shara Dietze
01/28/2012 5:36pm

Wow! This is a wonderful word the Lord gave you.. Can't wait to follow the rest of it on mon! God bless you sister

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01/29/2012 11:44am

Thanks for checking out my web site, Shara! I hope you come visit again. Blessings!

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kari
01/29/2012 2:31pm

Wow! You have been blessed with a gift. Everything you write speaks straight to my heart. I wouldn't pictureyself as a perfectionist but I know what

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01/30/2012 11:19am

Kari, Thanks so much. It does my heart so good to hear that the Lord used this to speak to you....that's what it is all about. Blessings Beautiful One!

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    About the Author

    Hi, My name is Audrey Frazier. Thank you for visiting. I am a wife and mother of two (2yr & newborn). I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I hope to share my thoughts, experiences and embarrassments with anyone brave enough to read them!

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