My day starts with a two year old waking me up by getting three inches from my face yelling, "Mommy!" My son William has two volumes, loud and louder. I usually roll out of bed with one eye open (the one William is holding open) and my body screaming for coffee. Yes, you guessed it....I'm THAT woman. You know, the one you see in the grocery store with the screaming kids. The one trying to load items onto the belt, pulling them out of who knows where, while her kids play tug-of-war. The store manager is running after her waving whatever the kids dropped 'this time' in the air.
        
        Yup...that's me. Just last week I ran out the door and was getting in the car before I realized I had my slippers and house coat on! Appalling...I know. I don't know how I became that woman. I used to have my stuff together! Oh, I can remember very well those days when I wouldn't leave the house without a pair of heels, lipstick and my hair blown out. The dispensable income. *sigh* One day I was an educated, composed woman with a career and the next day I'm sitting on the floor in a robe, disheveled ponytail, elbow deep in poo and two kids hanging on me. I feel like I'm in some kind of weird time warp where days fly by so fast but blur into each other. I'll talk to someone 'on the outside' thinking it's been five minutes but for them it's been fifty years. lol
        
        It's not all bad, though. There are little glimpses in the blur where my baby girl smiles at me and everything around me seems to fade. Times when William makes me laugh so hard I cry. Times when I have so much joy my chest hurts. But for the most part I have to fight tooth and nail for my 'sanity breaks.'

        Somewhere along the way, I'm not exactly where, I feel like I lost my way. Lost who I am as a person....as a woman. It is not the lack of income or freedom that has me feeling lost but the lack of confidence. In its place is a plethora of insecurities and fear. I have no idea where that high-powered, confident woman went!
 Worst of all, I feel like my relationship with God has suffered. I no longer get excited to read His word. I don't feel like I hear the Holy Spirit anymore. Christians call it the 'desert'. Worry and doubt have plagued me. They nag at me like May flies on a hot day. I'm ashamed to say that an unanswered prayer has caused bitterness and resentment to bite into my heart. As a once devoted Christian woman this grieves me. It feels like I've lost my best friend. I want to stomp my feet and say, "enough is enough!"

        So, in a way that is what I am doing. This is a new year, and I plan to make this the year of the Lord. I'm committing to seeking Him with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. I want to know Jesus more. Not because I want something. Not because I need guidance, direction, child or whatever reason I sought Him for before. No, I want to seek the Lord for no other reason BUT to know Him more. I want to fall in love with my Savior again. I invite you to share this journey with me. This year I plan on sharing my devotional, a story, or just thoughts about what God is teaching me. This invitation is a vulnerable one because I'm going to be as honest as possible. I'm putting myself and my faith out there for all to see. Yikes! 
 


Lynne Helminen
01/29/2012 8:01am

HEy Audge! I had NO idea you had a blog! Although I did see it pop up a few times on facebook! Great stuff! Really fun read... and relatable! Keep writing!

Reply
Eunie
01/29/2012 11:29am

wowza... i thoroughly enjoyed reading this Audrey. You are truly a GIFTED writer...and your honesty is admirable. tho' this invitation is a vulnerable one, indeed, i believe it will BLESSED those who take this journey with you...and if your passion is ministering to women, as you indicated in your "About me", then you too will be blessed by being vulnerable...and made all the more "RICHER" for it!! Thanks for sharing Dear One!! xo eunie

Reply
01/29/2012 11:47am

Thank you so much for the encouragement, Eunie. It is difficult to be vulnerable, but I believe that's when God can use us. Plus, who wants to read about perfect people? Boring! lol Thanks again. Blessings, Audrey

Reply
Becky Matson
01/29/2012 11:30am

Oh yes! This IS going to be a good year! I read your entries from last to first...vulnerable is the most beautiful side humanity has. Irresistibly beautiful. I think there is no greater honor than to be heard, no greater privilege than to truly listen.

Reply
01/29/2012 11:47am

Hi Becky! I was so pleased to hear from you! You are so right,there is no greater honor than to be heard. I don't take lightly that people are giving me their time while reading this blog...what a blessing!

Reply
08/08/2012 2:08am

Nike Air Max 2012 is helpful for running and movement. The comfortable design will easily help reduce the impact force. Nike Air Max 2012 features high-end technology and also combines with streamlined to deliver maximum comfort and cushioning for runners.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    About the Author

    Hi, My name is Audrey Frazier. Thank you for visiting. I am a wife and mother of two (2yr & newborn). I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I hope to share my thoughts, experiences and embarrassments with anyone brave enough to read them!

    Archives

    September 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012

    Categories

    All
    A Sacred Heart
    A Slugful Heart
    Carry My Bags And Walk Behind Me
    Cease Your Striving
    Faith Multiplied
    Giveaway
    It Starts...
    Old Stuff
    Revealer Or Concealer?
    Spiritual Trig?
    Stand At The Quarry And Shout
    Step Into The Water
    The Fog Cleared
    Where The Snake Goes It Grows

    Follow New Posts on Facebook!

    Click to set custom HTML

    Get Your Sanity Button!