He will usually peek his head in the bathroom and ask, “What did you remember this time?”
It is pretty scary when your husband starts understanding your noises!
I’ll go back and forth with him about how I can’t tell him it’s too embarrassing. Finally, I’ll give up and let him in on the trifle thing that I said ten years ago. I get so ashamed over some of the things my big mouth says that I have actually prayed for people’s memories to be wiped! What can I say? I have issues.
This hang-up has been in full force recently. It seems I could barely get through a day this week where I wasn’t slapping my hand on my forehead and letting out a guttural ‘ugh’. My prayer has been continually “Lord, please just take away my shame.”
Try as we might to coach ourselves out of our humiliation it does not give up easily. Those who know what incessant shame feels like can attest to the fact that God is the only one who can take away our shame.
The study I’m doing right now shows that there is a strong correlation between the Garden of Eden and the Old Testament tabernacle. The same Hebrew word is used to describe God walking in the Garden of Eden (Gen 3:8) and God’s presence in the holy of holies (Leviticus 26:11-12).
The Garden before sin had perfect communion between man and God, yet the Lord commanded Adam to cultivate and keep it. Similarly, the Lord also commanded the priests to serve and keep the tabernacle (Numbers 3:7-8)
“Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.” Genesis 2:15
This connection was so profound to me because Adam was charged with protecting the garden. Adam was supposed to keep Satan from ever entering!
This reminded me about how we are the temple of the Holy Spirit. We need to cultivate and protect our hearts because it is sacred. Our hearts are sacred! When we accept Christ as our Savior, He dwells in us….walks with us.
Genesis 2 talks about how after they had sinned, Adam and Eve’s eyes were opened and they knew they were naked. They hid from the Lord.
I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to feel such shame you want to hide. I know what it’s like to hear Satan hissing in your ear, “You know what you did….how can you worship God when you know what you did? How can you possibly be used by God when you know what you did?”
The amazing thing is….God covered Adam and Eve. He covered them not because they needed to be covered, but because love covers sin. He took away their shame.
Isn’t that beautiful? We don’t have to hide from our Savior…..he will cover us and take away the shame. The next time the enemy comes at us with his evil lies we can boldly say, “Back the heck off!!! In Christ, I am SHAME-LESS!”
Our hearts are sacred because Christ covers them. We have a safe place to feel vulnerable.
This is slightly off point but I feel like I should add that you should never feel shame for loving someone….even if that love was rejected. Love is a blessing.